I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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