The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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