He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
