And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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