is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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