Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize