rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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