i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
