Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
