went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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