Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
