My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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