my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
