I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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