I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
