i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
