Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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