there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
how does that bad decision feel?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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