He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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