Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
