Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm too high and old for this...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize