I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I touched a dick in church today
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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