His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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