Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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