tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
