I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
