I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
