youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
