When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
