i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
