Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
