and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
