I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
