the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
