so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize