so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
