I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
