maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
