I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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