Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We left an ass print on the piano.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize