I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She told me I should be a condom model.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
