I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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