Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
