they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Vodka?
Forever.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
