I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think i have herpe
just one?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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