WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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