just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
