hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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