I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
