just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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