Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
