I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
