is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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