I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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