You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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