This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
