Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
