In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize