God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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