totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
