You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize