ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
