im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Boobs speak an international language.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
