i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
