oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
