Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
