I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
