There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
