I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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