you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize