Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
