i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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