Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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