I heard we made out
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize